My New Deskmate.

I have just experienced an unwelcome new arrival.

Yet another class conscious, rotund middle aged English import with a receeder. Great. At least my last deskmate had a dry wit to rival Ricky Gervais. Meet Duncan.

I have always been lucky enough to have such a wide range of responsibilities in my work that my job description is suitably vague and no-one really knows what I do. I’d like to say it’s because I am so flexible and versatile…but perhaps it’s a subconscious desire to stay autonomous and retain an air of mystique in my huge office where everyone is a boffin at some technical discipline and eager to jump in a box for easy clarification. So I am finally sitting next to someone who is actually in my own line of work – and worse, is more senior than me. He knows exactly what I do and/or should be doing and is full of new-job enthusiasm, ever keen to watch me like a hawk, engage me in deep conversation/lecture and beat me to work in the morning and stay later just for the upper hand.

Grinds my gears.

Like a new pet, your new deskmate must be carefully and meticulously trained. Thus far Duncan is performing well. He has made me chocolate brownie twice now, and is even beginning to grasp the art of sarcasm!

Fortunately, I am off on my next adventure soon and won’t have to put up with Duncan (he is probably breathing a sigh of relief too at seeing the end of me) or see the results of my training, but hopefully his next victim will benefit from my hard work molding him into the perfect deskmate.

C.K.