28 Feb 2010

Animals, stick men and magic carpets...

In a slew of non-work related emails regarding attending a concert at the Zoo, things got fairly elaborate and ended with us all describing one another channelling our inner David Attenborough.  So I thought I would give you a sample below;

Here is the description of me by a very old friend;
Courtz (scientific name: Courtneilious k*****tious) is a unique creature, often exhibiting more energy than an ADHD border collie. She is known for rampaging through forests, scaling mountains, running exorbitant distances, frolicking in the ocean, and her general bubbly demeanor. To observe one of these creatures sitting still is as rare as a Moa sighting. She is welcome at watering holes as consumption levels are generally well less than the rest of the wild life almost removing competition for precious liquid.

Probably on the money I reckon.

This also got me thinking about the volume of non-work related emailing that goes on. You can debate all day whether it is in addition to casual conversations at the water cooler or has nearly replaced it and may be more efficient (and much easier to monitor by Big Brother which is even scarier!). One of my favorite past-times is to use paint to produce very creative stick men cartoons...usually of the most inventive ways to escape the office when I am procrastinating and desperate to get out in the sunshine for my midday run. These have included ninjas, pirates, indiana jones style abseiling, spiderman swinging, batman flying foxes, pole vaulting, catching shooting stars, magic carpets, fairy dust, and my personal favorite - recently produced by a friend whom I often bombard with these musings - Ride a flying cannonball (see sample below)! sometimes they even involve a sidekick or team of office escapees! Give it a go and see how innovative you can be!

Over and Out.


14 Feb 2010

gym people.

A leathery botoxed, lycra-clad woman rasps at a class of (largely) perspiring pensioners. "Start with sun salutations, progress to tai chi ball series, child’s pose, up dog, down dog, three legged dog, baby cobra, warrior I followed by warrior II, try to push your belly button into your spine and don’t forget your universe breaths" UNIVERSE BREATHS?! I’m not a big gym class attendee and the first time I heard some of these instructions I nearly threw up my breakfast and choked, holding back laughter. While the stringy seventy year olds were breezing through the moves I was sweating and cursing at the pain the evil instructor was inflicting. Saying that, I have to admit I was a convert after the first class, arriving tight and muscle-bound, and leaving bouncy and spritely.

Relatively new to the gym scene (well this one) I have noticed a few things. What is with the mirrors? Other than to make sure you have correct technique I can see only 2 other uses. Checking yourself out, or discreetly perving at the hotty across the room. It appears patrons fall into 3 broad categories. Posers, Gym-holics and Gym-bunnies. Gym-holics spend so much time there, they are often mistaken for staff. Posers are usually trying to act on a New Years resolution and it usually doesn’t last very long. They are rarely seen sweating for fear of damage to their pristine make-up or matching tracksuit. Lastly, Gym-bunnies are usually found leaning on equipment, flirting with instructors or watching E! while pretending to cycle at snail speed.

Not sure where I fit in, I am mostly motivated to go and watch Sky TV on the cross-trainer because my flatmate dominates ours...but I'm not afraid to sweat!


13 Feb 2010

Professional Development and Nightmare Networking

After a week-long sojourn to the Garden City, Capital of the Mainland, Christchurch (aka Crime-church), I am supposed to consider myself ‘professionally developed’ and actually do my job with some sort of efficiency.

Of the 50 or so participants I was probably the youngest by a decade and a minority in that I wasn’t balding or male.

As much as I was concentrating my darndest, the gripping material only managed to keep me awake 80% of the week despite consuming my annual caffeine intake in the 5 days and developing an addiction to Red Bull in a feeble attempt to mitigate my narcolepsy. Seriously though, even a field trip by Bus ended with losing a battle to concrete eyelids and waking to a wee saliva patch on my shoulder marking where I was slumped.

We were fed, watered, tea-d and coffee-d every hour and a half as means of both brain-rest and that kind of forced networking you oft encounter in the adult world of work. Not that I am uncomfortable socialising in a ‘first day of school’ kind of way with people you don’t know, I try not to fall into the trap of those horrible comparative conversations equivalent to ‘my dad is better than your dad’ where full grown adults are trying to out do each other. I don’t think I have ever observed more ego stroking.

When awake and intently listening to distinguished looking wrinkly men in suits and spectacles I tried to make up for lost time by asking the most vexing questions I could dream up. I limited my questions to one a day so as to appear engaged but not one of those overzealous arse-kissing mature students you come across at university (there is usually at least one in every class – you know who you are!).

In conclusion, learned alot (although mostly about human behaviour and the farce that is professional networking) but the best part was walking to and home from class everyday through the leafy suburbs - it was cleansing.